Today is Keith’s birthday, which struck me what may have happened when I met him in 1986. I didn’t know his background. After the third time watching “Spiderman: No Way Home”, I noticed the other Spidermans sensed Tom needed help, and later they acted like brothers. So I thought that somehow he was giving off the sense he was hurting, perhaps in body language. My fraternal instinct kicked in, so I was attracted as the comforter of his pain. It took me 36 years to realize it, thanks to Tom Holland’s acting.

 I want to find the cross between the enthusiasm and the study. I want to get into the zone. How can I control when it comes.

The Spiderman “No Way Home” has my mind rolling as “Back to the Future” did in 1985. How could there be multiunverses? How could a spell allow others from other universes How could a spell make everyone forget someone’s identity?

Given that I have a session on Thursday, So I’ve been thinking of what I was doing at various times and what I know now. 1976 should have warned me by this time that I was rudderless. Then I started the year with overload, which dropped the excess before September ended. The following winter term was really an illusion.

I had another revelation of the link between calculus and linear algebra. Of course, the intersection of this multivariable calculus relates to linear algebra.

 An unexpected impact of the “No Way Home” has been existential nausea. After over two years of the lack of a steady job, I have lost my purpose , even for severe underemployment.   

I came back to You Tube and found mu prime. Haydn Maust impresses me with his knowledge and youth. He outexplains my professors. Again I went back to the valuable vector calculus. 

 As I write this diary, I don’t think that I ever would be writing about my experiences in 1972. I couldn’t conceive beyond 1972, let alone fifty years later.

I was contemplating the roots of not following through and comparing languages with other subjects. It seems to be a pattern of a dilenttante. Furthermore, there doesn’t seem to be anything beyond plateaus. Concentration lacks details when in the forest.
In other words, I was so general that I lost the specific point. I recall it happened with the chain rule in calculus. Later I missed details in physics, taking years to convert from college to engineering physics. I was still trying to memorize later in 1977 for history and quantitative business analysis. I’m still seeking that efficient learning.

I began the rehash of econometrics and finance. The former appears quite different in light of programs that didn’t exist in 1978. It seems all roads lead to the same destination. I went back to the MIS course on matrix methods in data analysis, and I tried to visualize it.

I struggle with Chris Evans’s Multivariable Calculus, which I should had learned in high school and definitely before I took linear algebra, I finally learned of vectors. As I had written years ago on LinkedIn, missing background would cause problems with mathematics. Now I think I should have studied the subject those summers instead of languages. My latest peruse “The Loom of Language” suggests that I wasn’t as through when I read it at the time.

Combat came on again, and the huge difference between perception then and now. I can understand some of the French and German. I also understand the encounters, but I am still numb to the violence.

 I wonder why I slowly lost my ability to concentrate. I don’t think the internet helped, instead of furthering learning with the various courses. It probably spilled over into work. Particularly the brainless ones 

The Math Sorcerer has a video at the beginning of the year which addresses the frustration I had with linear algebra. He suggests that math majors learn to deal with failure and frustration, which helps them in life Now the question remains on how to apply this theory in my life. How much of three years in Ashley remains in my life, and more importantly, what did I miss the two years I had spent in Nanticoke before Ashley. Perhaps the conflict between two worldviews have controlled me instead of my taking charge of which way I chose situationally.
I was looking through my fourth-grade notebook, and it occurred to me that I was doing homework with the linear algebra the same way I did social studies at that time in the fourth grade.
I just began a video from Thomas Garrity about mathematical maturity and how being frustrated and failure leads to a revelation that clears the confusion. I recall that in Nanticoke I had plenty of time to make sense of my interests.

Sat 26 Mar 22  15:25
I spent some time with the vectors again, trying to visualize them. I think the engineering majors had a definite advantage in linear algebra and differential equations. I also wonder whether they had numerical methods as well in setting up equations and solving such problems.

Sun 27 Mar 22  16:12
The slowdown allows me to go through my former ambitions in chemical engineering. After their webinar on emotional intelligence, I wonder whether it had been a factor in the entire scheme I overlooked in the fall of 1982 the same as I had done in 1976.

As I write this diary, I don’t think that I ever would be writing about my experiences in 1972. I couldn’t conceive beyond 1972, let alone fifty years later.

 I was going through mathematics tonight, and I realized that multiplying matrices tends to be similar to multiplying in numerical algebra, the famous FOIL. Using vectors, the multiplication of (x+y)(x+y) becomes x^2+2xy+y^2 in two dimensions. It’s as much a discovery as vectors themselves. Nowhere in the book of linear algebra does it show geometrically.

Meanwhile, I’ve been going through the advanced placement of calculus, and I’ve been finding nothing of what I had at Penn State. It only proves what I wrote about teaching mathematics – missing pieces of mathematics becomes critical in higher courses.

My overall view of mathematics reflects the struggles I’ve had with both subjects and the rules of life. Mainly it’s not spending the time and reviewing the subject.

I went on Zach Star on what linear algebra and its matrices mean. He used a circuit to illustrate the nullspace, which caused a flashback to the incident I had in eighth grade. It was a simpler circuit, but it appeared broken. I figured it could still work, which seems to match a nullspace.

  keep getting flashbacks of wisdom over a half century to late. It’s a special function of the human brain to return to any date in the past and determine long ago mistakes. For some reason, Newton keeps plaguing me with the understanding that many of the boys in my class were helping on the farms. It still doesn’t excuse why the coach never explained the rules of football to me so I could play with them!

I had chance last night to return to organic chemistry. As usual, I found the explanations of the means to identify compounds. This time it’s the nuclear magnetic resonance. I don’t think I had a thorough explanation.\ in Morrison and Boyd, but I could’ve muffed it.

I’ve begun a series of courses toward data science. The one on statistics goes over some material I’ve known, but the definitions of covariance and correlation are new to me as to their mathematical explanation.