Sun 29 Jun 11:49

I found myself drawing parallels between my academic struggles and working struggles. It seemed no matter what I sacrificed, it was in vain. Every time I could have done nothing, I didn’t, only to get the same result. Yet I still can’t seem to give it all up and surrender to the pressure.

My speech Thursday night did give me a boost to persevere my current projects, at least I have more control over the desired result.

 I was writing about the Król cases when actually the seed of this character goes way back to eighth grade.I had a vision of three adventurous lads who solve mysteries: you, Peter Stefaniak (RIP), and I. I must put this thought in my diary (poimen on Live Journal). I just realized that I've developed it many years later, only with different characters. The ones with Keith, Joe, and I, or with Gary, John, and I were versions. This one I stopped working on, "Based Baseball", has Chuck, Paul, and I. Three seems to be a better number of major characters.

As American top 40 from 1978 ran, I thought of how my life would have changed with a little psychology (as first noted in “The Man Called Flintstone”). Not only would I have done better in Ashley against bullies, but it would have served me well even in1978 at the International Association and in East Halls that summer.

Going further, I would have done better in the job interviews, perhaps putting an end to the slide after finishing Penn State in 1984, the other American Top 40 this weekend. Therefore, it’s overdue I start learning psychology for the job next tax season. I still need technical skills to occupy the next eight months. I certainly have the paid courses to use without any more expenses beyond Woodrium.

 I checked out the concept of modular arithmetic on a video which explained it in terms of a clock. Afterwards, I checked out the proof of congruence on Mu Prime, and I understood it completely. The modulars remind me of the different bases in simpler arithmetic.

Using a clock as modular twelve confirms I’d understood that concept before I went to school. Even the subtraction of two different time periods with a remainder of 93, which I knew was 53 minutes in fifth grade explains how I did it.

In a video on Karl Gauß as The Greatest Mathematician. There was a note how he figured his birthday as the Wednesday the week before Ascension. I stopped the video and tried to figure it out myself and did!  First, I had to determine the pattern of 1777. 1977 was a 2, so 1877 was a 7, and 1777 was a 5.

Second was when Easter had occurred. Taking the 19-year cycle of the moon, 190 years later was 1967. I know the full moon was Saturday, 25 March. Using that same date in 1777, then Waster was 30 March, the following Sunday from that Tuesday. .

Ascension was then Thursday, 8 May. The Wednesday the week before Ascension was 30 April. The video noted he used modular arithmetic. Mu Prime has covered the subject, which I never took.

I was contemplating the comparison of modular arithmetic and bases. Bases wouldn’t work with larger numbers like mod 60 because the bases would lack markers for the numbers!

18:39

Thanks to a finish yesterday, I actually pulled  ahead today, along with another hour-long trip to the liquidators. This time, i bought five shirts for $10! There doesn’t seem to be anything else there that I can buy. The prices are usually a little less than Ollie’s in line with the thrift stores.

Over the past week, I’ve been reminiscing over past stories I never wrote, particularly in 1967 and 1971. The latter manifested in the “Forbidden Forest”, which I wrote in 1989. The protagonists find themselves trapped in a cave. In the one in 1967, the protagonist breaks a leg and becomes somewhat immobile. There’s a puppy involved, which manifested the following November.

I wrote a comment of Mu Prime for Coprime Numbers and Reducing Modular n. In the latter, a 58-year old mystery even Mrs Gilbert of Hackettstown Elementary School didn’t know became clear.

Wed 12 Mar 25 21:5

I was watching a video about a boy genius who solved a difficult math product a different and simpler way. He said he had seen patterns and the numbers talk to him. Both seem familiar to me when I saw how the calendar works.

Later I thought about the trouble I’d had with both differential equations and linear algebra. I didn’t see the patterns I sought, so the numbers didn’t talk to me that time! Perhaps I should look for those patterns now, and have them speak to me!

10 Mar

Thoughts on last night’s encounter with Chat Pre Trans. 1967 local crooks to a large conspiracy of chemical warfare

Important character – father figure to protagonist? Help uncover conspiracy?

Background influence?

Friendship of strangers as develop in the mystery

Injury of protagonist provides weight to danger,

The puppy rewards the ordeal, adds an emotional layer to the ending, adds stability and signals a new beginning.

The mentor figure adds dynamic, guidance, and more concept.

The fathers:

Protagonist's; saloon owner in trailer, then can buy home at the beginning of the story

His family could leave the maternal grandparents

Buddy's: farmer who also works for the university as a professor

Add: both bound and gagged as part of the ordeal

Structure keeps focus on the boys’ adventure while allowing the mentor to provide the needed guidance.

Tue 11 Mar 25 21:56

The work at Block remains steady. I’ve passed 150 finished with five weeks to go, around two thirds finished. I still had time to start a fulfillment besides an hour break.

Wed 12 Mar 25 21:5

I was watching a video about a boy genius who solved a difficult math product a different and simpler way. He said he had seen patterns and the numbers talk to him. Both seem familiar to me when I saw how the calendar works.

Later I thought about the trouble I’d had with both differential equations and linear algebra. I didn’t see the patterns I sought, so the numbers didn’t talk to me that time! Perhaps I should look for those patterns now, and have them speak to me!

On this date in 1969, I bought my first television, which lasted nineteen years. I leaned to work and same for what I wanted. On this date in 1986m I checked into Council House with a bad case of Reaganomics. I never recovered financially, and it destroyed that very same lesson. Work and save means nothing because it’s not what you know or willing to do, but rather it’s who knows you. Agent Orange makes it so clear!

 I am working on combining my experience with mysteries of George Król and Donald Hough. My first taste suggests I should pursue it further. As the first mystery I wrote in 1977 reflects the setting of 1977, I could start with 1967, perhaps a kind of “Young George Król”.

I opened the physics book from 1976, and there was the chapter on vector we skipped back then. Therefore, i began linear algebra devoid of vectors in my knowledge! What do the professors teach? Nearly a half century later, I’m getting a generalized view of what I should have seen.

This morning I was walking to Acme when I thought of having George Król a father who owns a bar. I am thinking of an alternate universe. I don’t understand why I didn’t think of it earlier, although I was moving in that direction over the past 45 years.

 I spent a good deal of time on Tom Holland deep faked into “Back to the Future”. I thought of how I took time and drew a satire of the movie after seeing Mad Magazine and Cracked try a satire. I had taken pictures from a magazine to draw it. So, if I had tried it now, where would I have found the pictures on the internet? Which Spiderman movie would I draw Tom Holland: Homecoming? No Way Home? 

I had a thought as I practiced my speech for Thursday. The professors never explain how to learn their subjects. I was the pioneer in college, so I had no one to give me tips on, say, mathematics. 

 I became aware that after nearly three decades here, I still don’t know the kind of conifers in the backyard. The one at the southern end is an Eastern Pine. I should know some dendrology 

I was taking down the last of the laundry when it occurred to me that my deference to authority had spilled over to everyone else. It took a long time to begin critical thinking with the deference as lingering.

Before the news, I was checking out the outline I have for Box-Jenkins when I considered my struggles in the MBA program. In the current case, I see I didn’t have the background. While it was obvious in the course for management information, I never thought it had been the case for the other three. I later had so much trouble, I probably didn’t have the time the last semester with the rush and the two courses I had to take. Now that I have the time, I find out what I missed.

 I started another linear algebra, this time with Trevor Bazett. He explained vector spaces in a way I never heard. Now I understand how addition and multiplication of vectors lead to vector spaces. These videos easily teach math without proofs and other dross. I should had abandoned my method long before I gave up on linear algebra in February 1977!

 

I started another linear algebra, this time with Trevor Bazett. He explained vector spaces in a way I never heard. Now I understand how addition and multiplication of vectors lead to vector spaces. These videos easily teach math without proofs and other dross. I should had abandoned my method long before I gave up on linear algebra in February 1977!

I went along another linear algebra course, which actually shows what the matrices are doing with the vectors. That course in 1977 looks completely different in its abstraction. There were no visual examples in that course, and the technology is no excuse. A mere board provides enough examples without an internet nor even a computer. Haydn Maust of Mu Prime proved it, yet the course was a quarter century before he was born.

 Math Sourcer says that work hard to grow, especially math. Advanced for lower grades but have fewer classes to concentrate better on what one’s taking – Fall 1976! Sometimes don’t get the results – Spring 1977!

Last night I was studying zoology, and it occurred to me that I learned biology in high school on memorization. Therefore, I used the same method as the failure in advanced mathematics. I wanted to see the concepts rather than know the words.I am seriously thinking of adding my observations from the zoology book. I want to return to 1980 and correct my method at the time.

Once again, I was in the Zoölogy course again with flashback of Sister John Ann. I don’t recall any of the concepts and definitions in that course or in the earlier botany course at Penn State. I feel Doctor William Reynolds cheated me.

 Sun 25 Feb 24 20:59

I read a chapter in my neglected book on botany. It was on seed plants, which brough memories of Sister John Ann and Doctor William Reynolds. One made biology harder, the other too easy. I suppose I could consider they canceled each other, but most importantly what I should do to handle the subject. I’m projecting seven weeks in advance.

Tue 27 Feb 24 20:33

On Sunday, I remembered the two times certain stories played in my head in 1971 and 1967. I realized that the original story in the summer of 1977 came from previous contemplations. The story of being trapped in a cave in 1989 reflected what I had originally conceived in 1971. So, I’m thinking about reifying the story from 1967.

Fri 19 Apr 24 13:04

Math Sourcer says that work hard to grow, especially math. Advanced for lower grades but have fewer classes to concentrate better on what one’s taking – Fall 1976! Sometimes don’t get the results – Spring 1977!

 There’s Dr AhMath on You Tube who just made me realize that the dot product multiplication takes each vector and multiplies it in each dimension is a scalar to the vector that serves as a multiplicand to a multiplier for the product vector.

I was looking at the video scene from “Homecoming” from where Ironman takes Spiderman’s suit. I noticed that the sun had Tom Holland’s Peter Parker in the shade while Robert Downey Junior’s Tony Stark faced the sun. The symbolism struck me as subtile for Spiderman faced a sunset, but would recover. It also brought back the thought of how I lacked such a figure that I never learned to manage. It proved to be a factor in my lack of success! I tiptoed that issue today when a Mensan asked us for our perception of the MBA!

 I have been going through the guide books I used to read in middle school. I wonder what had happened to that curiosity in weather. Further, the primer on geology was giving me flashbacks of earth/space sciene plus wheat I’ve learned since 1972. What ever happened to that potential? It isn’t just the lack of income, but of productivity.

I seem to be running the thoughts of the fall of 1977 rather than the agony of the fall of 1984. 1977 radically changed my direction, only because I approached the academics of chemistry the wrong way. The pressure of finding employment, which still eludes me nearly a half century later. I just signed up for a speech on communication style, which signaled to me some of what I’ve been aware. I was around too many women, especially nuns, and the fear of hurting others.

 I almost forgot this anniversary from 1980! It is nothing like 1967, mainly because it didn’t initiate a permanent change. Instead it was an interlude. Only now am I even getting a taste of what I’d experienced the following year. There’s another difference. I had no control over 1967, but I had an opportunity I exploited in 1980. Since 1980, I’ve been unable to exploit another such opportunity.

I  had a revelation why memorization worked in the early years –it was what was on the test. I didn’t extract that idea as a freshman at Penn State. In fact, I didn’t understand it during either sophomore year. Changing to metric didn’t manifest any other changes such as practicing the problems.

I was working on how much it would take to master languages when I applied it to other subjects. What was missing is practice be it language or math or just about anything else. I traced it to eighth grade.

I was in the bathtub when I realized how I never really practiced emotional intelligence. Ashley and the nuns dominated how I handled it later. It couples with the tribulations of work. No practice, no chance, and no advance just mutually enforce each other.

0

0Mu Prime has moved through abstract algebra during the past two years. It reminded me of R Bray back in 1976 who mentioned abstract algebra, but I have never explored it. The idea should be to plan, execute, and move on.

Nothing much else has happened with HM since I sent him a praise through LinkedIn. I wonder whether he’d read my article.

Today I put on “Terry” to watch it on the big screen for the first time. It occurred to me that there is a resemblance between Terry Fox and Peter Parker. It involves making the best of a situation. Each of us gets thrown into life and uncontrolled situations, and I’m reminded of the adage that we can control how we react to our situations.

We can related to how we’d react had we lost a leg to osteosarcoma, endured chemotherapy, thought we had beaten cancer, and seen children die from the disease. We may find our purpose in life to push research to save others.

Despite its fictional character, we can also relate had we accidentally gained superpowers and used them to be vigilantes. Tom Holland summed it in “Civil War” when his character told Tony Stark why he became Spiderman. “When you can do the things I can, and you don’t, then the bad things happen, it’s because of you.” We become inspired to find our higher purpose in life to overcome tragedies, obstacles, and disappointments. Terry kept going, running his best, until he could do no more. He still lost his life to cancer, but his foundation continues to win. Tom’s Spiderman lost his identity as Peter Parker, but he won by saving his universe. May each of us confront our existential choices with such courage and commitment that we did our best.

Over a decade ago, I encountered Ed Strachar’s “Into the Genius Zone” in which he asked to imagine ourselves in any time and place and describe it. I was running about thirty meters behind Terry Fox as he ran in Toronto on my birthday in 1980. I could feel the hot breeze on my skin in 30º weather, hear the dull roar of the crowd, and feel the pavement on my feet. I would now meet the three Spidermans on the roof of the school, hug Tom Holland’s grieving Spiderman, and feel the empathy. I just need a reason to be there.

I came across a fact I should have figured around 1972. Besides the Harvest Moon, there is the opposite phenomenon in March during the Worm Moon. In that case, the moon rises twenty minutes more than fifityfive minutes later. Why I never thought of that possibility would be a mystery. Perhaps the lack of such a thought should have been a clue that I wasn’t doing everything correctly by memorizing everything.

 

 

Why Forgiving Direct Student Loans Is Inadequate

While there seems to be a corporate outrage that the United States may forgive part of direct student loans, the very fact is that the solution is only a relief and not getting to the root of the problem. It will continue to plague us unless we root out the problem.

What the situation was a half century ago

I can personally vouch for this situation. Thanks to Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society, the idea was to boost more people into the middle class, which at that time was about half the population. The idea was to invest in its citizens and get back more taxes as more payers would be earning more money and able to contribute more taxes. Ironically, as then it was merely a war on poverty, now we’re in a global economy and need a larger middle class to compete. Then we imported only tea, coffee, and bananas, only because they don’t grow here. So, many were able to go through college with no debts with basic educational opportunity grants, now Pell, paying for the tuition.

At the time, I was under survival benefits from the Social Security system, which enabled me to go virtually free with the benefits running until I was 22. I experimented for eleven years at Penn State, always trying to get a major which would make me employable.

Now, what is the difference between a Pell grant and forgiving student loans? Actually, forgiving student loans often means that the student had graduated, not a given for a Pell grant. There is a dropoff rate, which would render those grants wasted. I know of some who never graduated during my undergraduate days. I won’t even mention other useless grants like corporate welfare, which has grown considerably over the past half century.

How it deteriorated

Even during my time at Penn State, the state kept cutting its support of the state colleges. There was a hostility toward higher education, even in the late 1970’s. Consequently, tuition soared. When I started at Penn State Wilkes-Barré, tuition was around a thousand a year. Since then, prices have risen six times, but today it costs over eighteen thousand a year at Penn State. The states don’t seem to mind paying for “prison industries” instead of investment in their residents.

After correcting for abuse of bankruptcy, a reform allowed bankruptcy of student loans only if the former student could show hardship, and even then only Chapter 13 (which requires an income). The plaintiff had to wait five years without any sent payments to file for Chapter 7 (which then discharges the loans and takes whatever assets to pay for it). Instead, in violation of equal protection, Congress made it almost impossible to file for bankruptcy. Repealing this last law and reverting to the earlier compromise would ease the situation.

Over the past half century, corporations have shipped jobs overseas, and the folly of it has reduced the middle class and the ability to pay back those same loans. The recent shortage due to the supply chain only further exposed the folly of making goods overseas and making us vulnerable to shortages. The same goes for importing labor over American labor. I’ve seen many foreigners making loads of money who come to me to do their taxes. I once thought that Americans were too lazy to become educated and skilled for those jobs paying over one hundred thousand a year, but now I think importing foreigners for cheaper labor as part of the mix.

Conclusion

It’s obvious that forgiving some student loans doesn’t solve the problem. This country cannot compete in a global economy with a shrinking middle class and worsening inequality. States don’t invest in their higher education, more must take out student loans, corporations make the jobs as “not what you know, rather who knows you”, and finally not allowing the poorest of the students to declare bankruptcy. Then the predators charge usury because the debtors cannot shop around for better rates nor cancel the debt. Another aspect is employers’ refusing to hire those “overqualified” for their jobs, even when there’s a labor shortage.

My parents instilled in me that working harder brings rewards to get ahead in life. Should employers fear educated workers, then it discourages these very workers to find suitable employment or to be stuck in severe underemployment, and then slide into what I call the Alopexian Paradox. I still believe that everyone has talents and should be encouraged to develop them for our benefit. Unfortunately, the attitude today seems to be: I have mine, I deserve it because…., and you don’t.

 

  

 

 

 I continue to fill gaps in my background before I return to linear algebra. The idea that the tendency of calculus derives into a line to simplify the problems, and liner algebra results.

I spent a little time with Haydn Maust on mu prime. He explained the basis of Laplace transforms, why they exist, and clarified the concept without a word of “Piecewise continuous”. When I had trouble with them, Doc Putter merely showed me how to do them. There was no geometry and no background. Haydn fixed the background, then came the geometry.

Today is Keith’s birthday, which struck me what may have happened when I met him in 1986. I didn’t know his background. After the third time watching “Spiderman: No Way Home”, I noticed the other Spidermans sensed Tom needed help, and later they acted like brothers. So I thought that somehow he was giving off the sense he was hurting, perhaps in body language. My fraternal instinct kicked in, so I was attracted as the comforter of his pain. It took me 36 years to realize it, thanks to Tom Holland’s acting.

Hi, Tom. I don't watch movies much, so I never saw you act until I stumbled upon "No Way Home" on You Tube three months ago. You are the personification of the American Dream, despite your nationality. You showed that hard work and taking opportunities can succeed. I was impressed by your interaction with the other Spidermans and that final scene with Zendaya in the coffee shop, so I bought the disc. I bought the previous two, and your portrayal of the teenage Spiderman justifies your fame. Your father-son dialog with RDJ brought me a vicarious experience as I’m childless and my father died when I was seven. The artwork of your fans inspired me to start drawing again. Your workouts inspired me to the gym regularly. Best of luck in the future. Your image as a role model and high emotional intelligence encourages me to learn from an actor who's younger than my three nephews. kudos.

Last night I couldn't sleep until midnight, and I finally saw the last half hour of "Homecoming". I was impressed with the scene where Peter is trapped under a pile of débris. Tom's acting really hits this scene. I actually could feel the weight of the débris as he tries to lift it after crying for help. Tom actually had trouble breathing, so he ditched the mask, which shows his facial expressions.

From the You Tube Video, someone typed:

His acting here is REALLY good. You can really feel his fear when he’s panicking and screaming for help

My response:

Absolutely! I saw this scene for the first time last night. I could almost feel the weight. The scene with the half mask and half face was a brilliant touch. I understand that Tom could barely breathe in the mask, so he had to take it off. To think I didn't know who Tom Holland was just a few months ago, now I can empathize why he left social media.

From another post:

This is the most accurate spider man. A kid who’s scared and turns to help for adults once in a while when they are scared. I like Tobey and Andrew but something about Tom is just so inspiring and real

My response:

It also helps that one can barely see Tom's freckles in the light on his nose. It was only a few years since "Heart of the Sea" where they're clearly visible. What would have been more effective had they shown his staring back from that image of the half mask half face, with computer graphics.

Spiderman Star Takes Social Media Break Citing Mental Health  Nioek Mov  CNN on Thursday, 18 August 2022

Dear Tom: Right on! You deserve a long break. You worry so much your forehead is as wrinkled as mine. — I have four decades on you. We love you and want what’s best for you. So, take a long break, buddy. Limit your sun exposure. Know that your influence on me was very positive, not just as an excellent actor, but a great role model who pushed me back into the gym. Take up yoga and mindfulness. Lean on your family, especially your brothers. We'll patiently wait for your appearance in the next movie.

My essay from Toastmasters:What teenagers can learn from Spiderman “No Way Home”.

“When you can do the things I do, and you don’t. Then the bad things happen, they happen because of you” – Peter Parker to Tony Stark in “Avengers: Civil War”

I identified three major lessons that a teenager around 13 can learn from Spiderman. The movie opens when Mysterio lies that Spiderman killed him and reveals his identity as Peter Parker. Once that happens, everyone who knows Peter suffers from the revelation. Peter tries to remedy the rejection from MIT of him and his friends by having Wizard Stephen Strange cast a spell to make everyone forget Peter’s identity. Peter, with good intentions, botches the spell, and other beings slip into his universe. Peter tries to fix the problem by hunting for the villains and placing them into the wizard’s prison.

The first lesson is responsibility as Peter struggles with trying to fix his mistake. He weakens many times, but when the wizard is ready to send the villains back to their universes, Peter stops it. His Aunt May had instilled in him the second lesson of morality. Some of the villains died fighting Spiderman in their universes. Consequently, he gives them a second chance while he finds cures before sending them back. He manages to cure one, but then it goes awry, and Peter suffers the same tragedy that the other Spidermans had.

Peter in his grief, despite his Aunt May’s approval that he tired to cure the villains, gives up and tries to send the villains back. Just in time, Tobey and Andrew intervene and finish Tom’s statement “With great power comes great responsibility.” Tom takes back the morality and responsibility with their empathy and guidance. Tobey plays the doyen, who had passed through the same tragedy and overcome the darkness. Tobey counsels Andrew, who still suffers from a similar tragedy, about finding another girlfriend. Andrew plays the middle uniter: “I’ve always wanted brothers” and “I love you guys”. Tom leads the charge because only he has ever been in a team. They succeed when they unite as brothers, but one of the villains blows up the box, and the other villains are again coming into this universe. Tom then takes the ultimate responsibility in this coming of age, and he sacrifices his relationships to save his universe.

So, for any teen, Peter shows them the path of maturity: responsibility, morality, and teamwork.

On the third time I saw the movie in English, when Tobey first enters from the portal, Tobey explains he’s been looking for M J and Ned’s friend because he felt Tom needed his help. Back in 1986, when I was a hostage of Reaganomics in Wilkes-Barré, I met a fellow named Keith. I felt an attraction I couldn’t explain. That scene hit me that I sensed he was hurting and needed my help, so my fraternal instincts came out as it did for Tobey and Andrew. It’s only when we get old do we get smart! Perhaps also we become aware of our emotional intelligence.

Before watching this third of the trilogy, it has more impact by watching the first two in order. Not only does Tom Holland shine in them, but he shows us how a superhero grows up. Slowly Peter takes charge of his own life, “with a little more mentoring” as Tony Stark says in “Homecoming”, but we already know that Peter took that first step earlier in that first movie when he overcame his self-doubt in a tearful and thrilling trial of pulling himself out of being buried under the rubble of a collapsed building.

Recently Tom Holland took charge again in real life. Rightfully, he announced he was withdrawing from social media because it was toxic. Under the stress, his forehead has wrinkles of a man who’s decades older. I’ve read some of those statements, and I wish the detractors would get a life! I noted the toxicity in Celebrity Loop, and sure enough, the next poster accused him of being mentally ill and jealous of Timothée Chalamet!

Acting as altruistic as Spiderman, Tom focused in the video on his charities which help teens recover from toxic social media. Tom is one in a billion and a treasure we should protect. As I’ve stated in other posts, “ Your image as a role model and high emotional intelligence encourages me to learn from an actor who's younger than my three nephews. kudos ”

Today is Keith’s birthday, which struck me what may have happened when I met him in 1986. I didn’t know his background. After the third time watching “Spiderman: No Way Home”, I noticed the other Spidermans sensed Tom needed help, and later they acted like brothers. So I thought that somehow he was giving off the sense he was hurting, perhaps in body language. My fraternal instinct kicked in, so I was attracted as the comforter of his pain. It took me 36 years to realize it, thanks to Tom Holland’s acting.

 I want to find the cross between the enthusiasm and the study. I want to get into the zone. How can I control when it comes.

The Spiderman “No Way Home” has my mind rolling as “Back to the Future” did in 1985. How could there be multiunverses? How could a spell allow others from other universes How could a spell make everyone forget someone’s identity?

Given that I have a session on Thursday, So I’ve been thinking of what I was doing at various times and what I know now. 1976 should have warned me by this time that I was rudderless. Then I started the year with overload, which dropped the excess before September ended. The following winter term was really an illusion.

I had another revelation of the link between calculus and linear algebra. Of course, the intersection of this multivariable calculus relates to linear algebra.

 An unexpected impact of the “No Way Home” has been existential nausea. After over two years of the lack of a steady job, I have lost my purpose , even for severe underemployment.   

I came back to You Tube and found mu prime. Haydn Maust impresses me with his knowledge and youth. He outexplains my professors. Again I went back to the valuable vector calculus. 

 As I write this diary, I don’t think that I ever would be writing about my experiences in 1972. I couldn’t conceive beyond 1972, let alone fifty years later.

I was contemplating the roots of not following through and comparing languages with other subjects. It seems to be a pattern of a dilenttante. Furthermore, there doesn’t seem to be anything beyond plateaus. Concentration lacks details when in the forest.
In other words, I was so general that I lost the specific point. I recall it happened with the chain rule in calculus. Later I missed details in physics, taking years to convert from college to engineering physics. I was still trying to memorize later in 1977 for history and quantitative business analysis. I’m still seeking that efficient learning.

I began the rehash of econometrics and finance. The former appears quite different in light of programs that didn’t exist in 1978. It seems all roads lead to the same destination. I went back to the MIS course on matrix methods in data analysis, and I tried to visualize it.

I struggle with Chris Evans’s Multivariable Calculus, which I should had learned in high school and definitely before I took linear algebra, I finally learned of vectors. As I had written years ago on LinkedIn, missing background would cause problems with mathematics. Now I think I should have studied the subject those summers instead of languages. My latest peruse “The Loom of Language” suggests that I wasn’t as through when I read it at the time.

Combat came on again, and the huge difference between perception then and now. I can understand some of the French and German. I also understand the encounters, but I am still numb to the violence.